Timing: The Unspoken Superpower

Victor Frankl said it best in Man’s Search for Meaning:

“Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.”

That space? That’s everything.
That’s where your power lives.
That’s where your growth is born.
And that’s where your freedom waits for you.

Let’s be real.

We all get triggered—sometimes daily, sometimes by the people we love the most. Something is said, a tone is used, a boundary is crossed, and BOOM. That “stimulus” hits, and before we even take a breath, we’re reacting. Or as I like to call it—comin’ in hot.

When I come in hot, let’s be honest—I’ve abandoned the space. I’ve given up the power to choose how I want to respond. And what usually follows? Regret. Disconnection. The kind of relational damage that doesn’t line up with the kind of person I actually want to be.

Here's the hard truth:

If I don’t honor the space and instead let my triggers run the show, I hand my power over to the very thing—or person—that upset me. And you know what that means? They’re in charge of me now. That’s not power. That’s reactivity dressed up as strength.

Coming in hot isn’t powerful. It’s weak.

Anyone can blow up, lash out, get loud, slam doors, or send that rage-text. That’s basic. That’s easy. That’s primal. That’s survival mode.

But the strongest people I know?
They take a beat.
They breathe.
They pause.
They choose.

That pause? That’s power.

That pause says, I lead my emotions. They don’t lead me.

I know what you’re thinking:

“But Shelli, they hurt my feelings.”
“But Shelli, they won’t listen unless I yell.”
“But Shelli, what they said/did was so wrong.”
“But Shelli, they disrespected me.”

Believe me, I get it. I’ve been there more times than I can count—both as a human and as a therapist. I’ve coached countless clients through those exact justifications. And still, I come back to one core truth:

There’s a better way.

There’s a more powerful, grounded, wise, connected way to respond to the hardest moments—especially the ones that feel the most unfair. And that way starts with expanding the space between your trigger and your response.

In that space?

You’ll find wisdom.
You’ll find clarity.
You’ll find peace.
And you’ll find a voice that builds connection, not just noise.

Ask yourself this:

What experience are you committed to cause?

Do you want to connect or disconnect?

Do you want to be right, or do you want to be wise?

Do you want to create impact, or do you want to create injury?

You don’t have to respond right away. You don’t even have to respond today.
Sometimes the most powerful thing you can do is wait until the heat has passed and your clarity has returned.

Because timing is not about silence.
It’s about strength.

Here’s what ancient wisdom has to say:

• “The wise carefully consider their steps.”

• “A gentle answer deflects anger, but harsh words make tempers flare.”

• “It’s better to be patient than powerful; better to have self-control than to conquer a city.”

Translation?
Self-mastery is the real flex.

The next time you feel yourself about to snap, pause.
Feel the fire rise—and don’t let it spill.
Instead, use that energy to fuel the kind of strength that builds relationships, not burns them down.

Grow the space.

Own the timing.

Reclaim your power.

If you’re ready to stop being led by your emotions and start leading with them, let’s talk.
Helping women take back their power is my favorite kind of work. Click the link on my contact me page and lets get started!