The Measure of Success: Confusing Visibility with Impact

This week, I sat in an online Bible Study. In the first 5 minutes, we were asked to name our wins.

And I want to tell you something honestly…I froze.

Not because I don’t have wins.

But because in that moment, I couldn’t find them in the way the room was measuring them.

And maybe you know that feeling.

Where everyone else seems to be speaking a language you used to understand… but something in you has changed.

As people started sharing, I realized something quietly:

Their measuring sticks weren’t wrong.

They just weren’t mine anymore.

And for a second… that old voice came back.

“You don’t belong here.”

“And not here either.”

Have you ever felt that?

Like you keep walking into rooms where success is defined in a way that doesn’t fit your life anymore… and your pattern is to question yourself instead of the measurement?

In that room, “winning” sounded like:

More followers.
More Subscriptions. More visibility.
More growth.
More expansion.

And I sat there thinking…

I’m not measuring my life that way anymore.

Not because I can’t.

But because I won’t trade something more valuable to me now.

Peace.

And I wonder if that’s where you are too.

Not lacking capacity…

Just no longer willing to sacrifice your peace to prove something.

So I’ve started asking a different question:

What actually counts as a win in my life?

And my answers are quieter now.

But they cost me everything.

My biggest win right now?

My relationship with my daughter.

And I need you to hear this part…

It wasn’t always like this.

In a culture where many Gen X-ers are suffering from adult child estrangement… This is a win.

There were seasons where it was complicated. Painful. Distant.
Seasons where I could have lost her.

But I did (am doing) the work.

The kind of work no one applauds.

The humbling work.
The internal work.
The work of becoming emotionally safe.
The work of releasing control.
The work of staying steady when everything in me wanted to react.

And now?

She comes back.

We sit together.
We talk.
We rebuild.

And I want to say this gently to you:

That is a win.

Even if no one claps for it.
Even if it doesn’t grow a platform.
Even if it will never be posted.

It counts.

Maybe more than anything else ever could.

My wins look like my walk with God, too.

Quiet obedience.

Choosing things no one sees.

Coming back to practices I once walked away from… and watching God meet me there again.

My wins look like getting to be a part of deep relationships and leaving my mark with friends, clients, and family.

My wins look like my son getting married soon, LOVING his fiance, and maintaining a a strong, loving relationship.

They look like standing in the same room as my ex-husband and his wife with real forgiveness in my heart, working together to create something meaningful as a team.

Do you know how much work that takes?

That’s not surface-level growth.

That’s not performative healing.

That’s deep work.

And yet…

It’s rarely what gets named in rooms like the “Entreprenuer Bible Study”

Somewhere along the way, we started confusing visibility with impact.

Noise with influence.

Scale with substance.

And I just need to say this to you, in case no one else has:

You don’t have to measure your life that way.

You don’t have to become an influencer to be deeply influential.

You don’t have to be seen by thousands to change what matters most.

I still have dreams.

I still want to write.
I want to publish.
I still want to lead women.
I still want to create spaces where real transformation happens.

But I’m releasing the pressure to build it the way the world tells me I should.

And maybe you need to hear that you’re allowed to do the same.

You’re allowed to trust God with the timeline.
With the doors.
With the growth.

You’re allowed to build a life that protects your peace.

Because the things that matter most?

They’re not loud.

They’re not flashy.

They’re not always visible.

They are:

Peace.
Obedience.
Connection.
Healing.
Presence.

And those things last.

So if you’ve been sitting quietly, feeling like your life doesn’t measure up…

I want you to hear me clearly:

You may be doing the deepest, most important work of your life.

And it counts.